


Foreign Exchange Club-Episode 5: Block Rockin' Beatdown

by egyptian



Category: None - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 20:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19893613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egyptian/pseuds/egyptian
Summary: Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know.Turn off the lights, and I'll glow!





	Foreign Exchange Club-Episode 5: Block Rockin' Beatdown

[makeshift title card that reads “Kiku and Shizu present-Useful Things You Can Do With Schoolbooks!” Cuts to Kiku and Shizu in the school library waving and trying to look professional]

Kiku: Hello there! Kiku here!

Shizu: And I'm Shizu. 

Kiku: Many of you no doubt have a large stack of these (holds up schoolbooks) but you have no idea what to do with them.

Shizu: That's where we come in. Here's Kiku and Shizu's top five things you can do with schoolbooks!

[Cut to Kiku propping up a chairleg]

Kiku: Fix a chair!

[Cut to Shizu with schoolbooks strapped to her feet jumping in a puddle]

Shizu: Keep your feet dry!

[Cut to Kiku napping at a desk. The sun shines in her face and she scowls, then props a book open to shade her face]

Kiku: Sun bothering you? Block it out!

[Cut to Shizu. She's being held by bullies. One bully punches her in the stomach, then yelps in pain. Shizu untucks her shirt to reveal a schoolbook.]

Shizu: Body armor!

[The bully bops Shizu squarely on top of the head]

Shizu: Ow!

[Cuts back to Kiku and Shizu in the library. Shizu still has the lump on her head]

Kiku: (opens a book and puts it on her head) And of course you can always wear one as a hat. We hope this has been helpful and informative!

Shizu: Remember kids, just because they make you carry them doesn't mean you have to read them. Until next time, see you later and don't forget to buy lots of Foreign Exchange Club merchandise!

Kiku: Even those creepy dojins! Starving artists need to eat!

[Roll opener]

[Cut to exterior of Seifun high, behind the school where the Wheel of Calamity is set up. The Sakai girls are already present and milling around talking. Lynn, Junko and Maya are walking out to the waiting area]

Junko: Lynn, I hope this doesn't sound like a strange question but why did you stick with us?

Lynn: What do you mean?

Junko: Well, I mean this whole challenge thing wasn't any of your fault. You didn't have to hang around and face all these problems with us. Not that you haven't been helpful, or fun to have around. I was just wondering.

Lynn: Well, I guess it's because being in a new country was pretty lonely. My sister and brother aren't even here to talk to-they're living back in the States with my grandparents. Sure some of you guys are a little...interesting but you were all so quick to take me in too. You're still the only ones who will speak to me informally.

Junko: Informally?

Lynn: You use my first name. Everyone else is last name only. It's kind of off-putting.

[Maya immediately laughs]

Junko: I thought I was being formal! Your first name isn't Tracy?!

[Maya is almost doubled over laughing when they finally join the group at the stage. The Wheel of Calamity notably has a tarp over it.]

Principal: Alright ladies, let's get started. Now you may have noticed that the Wheel of Calamity isn't ready to spin. Well there's a reason for that. Exams are coming up on Friday and we don't want anything to distract you from your test preparation. However, because the duel must also go on we've decided on a special contest. On Friday when the exams are taken, the scores of each club will be tallied and averaged. The club with the highest average score will win. We hope this will encourage you all to give your very best, not only for yourselves but for the good of your respective groups. Are there any questions?

Gin: What if your club has some really stupid members?

Principal: I don't see how that has any bearing...

Gin: I mean /really/ stupid. 

Principal: Then Ms Nakamura I encourage you to do your very best to help this person or persons to do better on their test.

Gin: What if that person disappears mysteriously on test day? They can't be averaged in, right?

Principal: Ms. Nakamura let me make one thing abundantly clear. If anything should happen to one of the other members of your club to prevent them from taking those tests...if they should fall down stairs, if they should get lost, or be kidnapped by international jewel thieves, or if their house should be swallowed up by an earthquake then I will blame you personally and you will be be doing all of your schoolwork sitting seiza on the roof of the school until the Earth is swallowed up by the sun. Is that unambiguous enough for you?

Gin: Y-yes sir! (turning to Kumiko and whispering) We'll have to ditch Operation Candy Trail.

[Kumiko nods solemnly. Cut to the Foreign Exchange Club members trudging into their club room. The Tea Ceremony club members have their door ajar, so they can watch them pass. The Tea Club members are arranged in proper Scooby Stack formation]

Tea Club 1: Look at them. Each sad heavy footfall is music to my ears. Soon they will be gone and that big beautiful club room will be ours!

Tea Club 2: It will be nice to have some quiet. No more shouting, or loud music, or sound of power tools.

[Cut to the inside of the Club Room. The club members are spread out around the room looking depressed.]

Lynn: What's everyone looking so down for? It's just a test right? 

Yayoi: That's easy for you to say. You're a good student. Some of us aren't exactly A students. Or even B students.

Oki: Don't paint me with that brush! I've had all A's since kindergarden.

Kiku: Seriously? I don't think I've ever had an A in my life.

Shizu: Yayoi is right, this might be the hardest challenge for us yet.

Gin: Alright, now let's figure this out. Lynn and Oki will be okay, because they actually pay attention and study. Junko and Maya, neither of you complain about being grounded very often, so I assume your grades are okay. Kumiko we don't have to worry about because she sits next to a good student that she can blackmail. I have a special study system that should keep me from having any problems with the test, but it's top secret and I can't share the details with others. That leaves Yayoi, Shizu, Kiku and Nanae.

Nanae: Well I intend to do my very best.

Gin: Your best isn't good enough. That's why we're having this conversation!

Kiku: Well what can we do? We can't just become good students overnight.

Oki: Well I can tutor a couple of people. I've already been helping Shizu with her notes, since she sits next to me in class.

Gin: Not good enough! 

Lynn: We're all going to have to work together on this. Even one failing grade could sink us all.

[Cut to Yayoi walking up the steps to the apartment she lives in. She opens the door, kicks off her shoes and immediately steps into a different pair of Adidas. Yayoi walks past the kitchen where her mother is cooking and her father is reading the newspaper]

Yayoi's mom: Hello Yayoi. Dinner will be a little late. I got hung up at the grocery store.

Yayoi: Oh that's fine. Hello Dad.

[Yayoi trudges down a short hallway, then into her room. Once inside she flops onto her bed. Yayoi rolls over and surveys her room. The walls are covered with pictures of old school rappers and hand drawings of various celebrities. She turns to face a poster of Biz Markie]

Yayoi: Oh what am I going to do? I'm no good at this. Why did they have to throw out this stupid challenge anyway? (she pounds a fist on her bed) My bad grades should be my problem and noone else's. Oh Biz what am I going to do?

[The image of Biz Markie trembles, then in a thunderous burst of beatbox he floats down to hover over the foot of Yayoi's bed.]

Yayoi: (blinking) Biz! You're real! And you're here! Am I losing my mind?

Biz Markie: Considering the fact that I just stepped out of a poster and I can for some reason speak Japanese now, yes, you have lost your damn mind.

Yayoi: Eh, not much of a loss. So why are you here? 

Biz Markie: I go where I am needed, even if that's into the bedroom of a crazy as hell Japanese girl. Listen up, 'cause I only repeat myself in the chorus. You should probably crack open those damn books and maybe read them a little. You always talk about how stupid you are, well it's because you're always too busy listening to music and dancing and shit. You can listen to music while you read you know.

Yayoi: You really think I can do it? I don't think anybody has ever encouraged me before. You know, nobody that wasn't being paid to do it, or my Mom who always gives Mom answers. Of course she tells me I can do anything I put my mind to. She's a Mom, they all do that.

Biz: Alright, well I ain't getting paid for this visit, I ain't your moms and I'm telling you that if you actually sit your narrow ass down at that desk and study for once you can do good on this test. And you know what else Yayoi?

Yayoi: What's that? 

Biz Markie: You're trippin'. I ain't really here, which means you made me up in your own head. That means that you must actually believe in yourself, even if you didn't know that you did.

Yayoi: How confusing.

Biz Markie: You're telling me. Anyway, I'm going to get out of here before your moms calls you for dinner. Remember what I said. Hit them books.

Yayoi: I will Biz! I promise. Oh, one more thing before you go..

Biz Markie: What's that?

Yayoi: How old is my mama?

Biz Markie: Your mama so old her birth certificate expired.

[Yayoi laughs as The Biz fades away in a column of golden lights and beatbox. Yayoi turns and looks at her schoolbooks, then nods her head]

[Cut to a library where Oki and Shizu are both staring at math books]

Oki: Alright, now what did you get for the fifth answer?

Shizu: 37

Oki: 37? That's right as well. May I see your math?

Shizu: (handing over her work) Here you go.

Oki: (looking over the work with ever-growing confusion) No! This isn't right. None of this is right. It's not even close. You didn't use the right formula, you didn't put the numbers into your wrong formula correctly, there's a weird scribble here and I can't even tell what you wrote. You can't have arrived at the right answer. It's not mathematically possible! You...you've broken mathematics! 

Shizu: I'm sorry!

Oki: I...I can feel my knowledge melting away! (clutching her head as she continues to look at Shizu's work) My mind! My beautiful mind! Oh Shizu you've ruined me!

Shizu: (looking even more panicked) Please don't get so upset! It's just algebra!

Oki: Algebra is dead!

[Cut to Gin walking back and forth in front of a big screen television]

Gin: Well ladies, we've tried this a number of different ways and we just haven't had any luck, so now we have to progress to more drastic measures. 

[Gin steps to the side as “History Lesson 36: The Sengoku Period” starts to play on the television, what looks to be a very dreary and boring treatment of the subject. The camera swivels, turning to show Kiku, Ming and Nanae strapped into chairs similar to the Ludovico Method from Clockwork Orange. All three begin to panic as the show starts.]

Kiku: No Gin, not this! Please!

Nanae: You're dead Gin! I promise I will cut you into little pieces and dump you in the river!

Ming: Gah! It's so boring! 

[Lynn walks in, glances at the unusual set up but seems to take it in stride]

Lynn: Gin, have you seen Kumiko?

Gin: No I haven't, but that's nothing unusual. Our fearless leader comes and goes as her whims take her. Why?

Lynn: Nobody thinks that that is weird.

Gin: That what is weird?

Lynn: That Kumiko just vanishes for long periods of time, then shows up when she feels like it.

Kiku: She's always been that way. We all just got used to it.

Ming: Yeah. It's not like any of the rest of us are exactly what you'd call responsible or anything.

Lynn: Oh, that's true. So how far are you guys into this thing?

Ming: Just a couple chapters left to go.

[Lynn sits down in an empty seat and starts watching the show.]

Lynn: So Nanae, you knew my first name was Lynn, right?

Nanae: What? No way, really? No, I thought it was Tracy. I was worried I would be overstepping my bounds being so direct with you.

Lynn: Jeez, really? None of you knew?

Ming: I didn't know, but I didn't know Shizu's name until last week. It never came up, you know?

Gin: I've never referred to you as anything but “that awful woman”.

Kiku: I knew! 

Lynn: Really? That's great!

Kiku: Yes! Lion is one of my favorite club members!

Lynn: (blinks) I'm still taking it.

Gin: I don't think it counts.

Lynn: I said I was still taking it!

[Cut to next day. EXAM DAY is printed at the bottom of the screen. Montage of animation shots of the various girls in their classrooms. Lynn works on her test slowly and methodically. Nanae appears to be wracking her brain trying to figure things out. Kumiko looks at her test, then looks up at the teacher. She gives a subtle salute to the instructer, who returns it. Kumiko then sets the test aside blank and starts reading a novel. We see Kiku racing through the test form, answering questions at lightning speed. Cut to Gin, who is looking over her test carefully. She glances back and forth furtively, then starts pressing a secret button on her watch. Each time she presses a button a red LED flashes on the watch. She then looks up and out a window. On a far away building we can see a signal light flashing back in Morse code. Gin smiles and fills in a test answer. Cut to Oki, who seems to be struggling with the work. She looks over at Shizu, who is working at a steady pace. Shizu smiles at Oki, then Oki looks down at her test and frets. Finally we cut to Yayoi. She looks the test over from top to bottom, then flip it over and looks at the back. Looking confused, she gets up and walks quietly to the front where the teacher is.]

Yayoi: I think there's something wrong with my test.

Teacher: What do you mean? Did you get a bad photocopy? You should have gotten the same form everyone else did.

Yayoi: No, I mean something is really wrong. These questions..they're too easy. I already know all the answers.

Teacher: That /is/ unusual. Did anything out of the ordinary happen in the last couple days that you can recall?

Yayoi: Well I did do all my homework, then I read the chapter until I remembered everything in it.

Teacher: That /is/ very unusual. Do you need to go see the nurse?

Yayoi: No, I think I'll be alright.

Teacher: Well maybe you should just go ahead and fill out the form, then read quietly or do whatever else you care to. We can discuss this later and perhaps figure out exactly how it happened.

Yayoi: Alright, thank you.

[Yayoi walks back to her desk. Cut to the back of Seifun, at the Wheel platform. The Principal is putting up two large posters, that show the test scores of the various members of the two teams-anonymously of course. The girls file in and gather around to see their scores.]

Oki: My parents are going to die of shame when they see my test scores. Hey, who got a perfect score?

Kumiko: Oh..I thought that was you. It wasn't?

[The rest of the girls mill around to see their scores. In the middle of the group we can clearly see Yayoi's face light up.]

Yayoi: I did...good.

Principal: Alright ladies, if I could have your attention please. Now I know what a challenging test this was. Everyone worked especially hard for this event and we'd like to offer our congratulations...well, to some of you. Sakai High S3 Club, your average score was 85%.

[The Sakai high girls cheer and taunt the Foreign Exchange Club]

Principal: Alright, settle down. Now Seifun High Foreign Exchange Club...I'm sure you all worked very hard...

Gin: Get to the point already! How did we do?

Principal: Well the good news is that none of you failed..

[The Foreign Exchange Club cheers]

Principal: Let me finish! None of you failed, but hardly any of you did very good! Your average score is a miserable 70%! That's far below the national average. You did poorly by the standards of third world and non-industrialized nations.

Kiku: (hugging Nanae) Did you hear that? 70%! It's a personal best!

Ming: My dad is going to give me my credit cards back!

Maya: (dabbing at tears) It's like some kind of wonderful dream. Nobody pinch me, I don't want to wake up!

Principal: (getting ever more agitated) What? No! I forbid this! I forbid you to be this pleased with yourselves! Stop celebrating!

[The Sakai girls close in a bit. They seem to be confused at the reactions of the Foreign Exchange Club]

Sakai 1: What's the matter with you guys? Didn't you hear him? You lost. Again! You're losers!

Sakai 2: Yeah! We didn't even try very hard and we crushed you! How can you be so happy?

Lynn: You're the ones who don't get it. We all passed! We worked together and something went right for once. For the first time ever the worst students at Seifun High all passed an exam and won't be taking re-tests, or getting grounded, or yelled at by frustrated tutors...none of that. You can have the weekly challenge-we wrote this one off the minute it was announced.

Sakai 1: You people are weirdos. 

Yayoi: You might have the better test scores, but there's something you will never have.

Sakai 2: What's that?

Yayoi: This!

[Yayoi produces a boom box and hits play. Let Me Clear My Throat by DJ Kool starts to play. All the members of the Foreign Exchange Club immediately start to break it down. The Sakai girls back away nervously, then turn and leave. The Principal just shakes his head and walks away, throwing up his hands in disgust. The camera starts to slowly pan back, then turns to survey the skyline of the city. Scene cuts to inside Seifun, at the Tea Ceremony Club room. The leader of the Tea Ceremony Club is talking with the leader from Sakai]

Sakai 1: So it's agreed? 

Tea Club 1: Oh definitely. We're oh so close to being rid of them for good. Anything I can do to help you...as long as you remember your side of the bargain.

Sakai 1: Don't worry. Once we get that trophy in our hands you'll get your precious club room.

Tea Club 1: AND...

Sakai 1: /And/ we'll stop grabbing you after school and throwing your shoes in the drainage ditch.

Tea Club 1: Good.

[Roll closer]


End file.
